If You Can't Say Something Nice...

If You Can't Say Something Nice...
Say Something Vague

Monday, March 27, 2006

Oh to Have Had a Camera!

Today I went to the post office to send out a package. And there I saw the most fascinating/repellent/eyecatching...woman?

I think it was a woman.

I should pause at this point and mention that I was highly impressed with the others in the interminably long line at the post office who were not giggling and pointing, as one might expect based on the description I'm about to give you. There were just a few of us who made eye contact and sort of nodded. The man behind the counter who served her? didn't even bat an eye. In fact, he looked pretty bored. Which I found rather amazing since this is Irvine and not West Hollywood.

Translation for out-of-towners: Irvine = rich, stuffy people. Martha Stewart-wannabes. Land of the SUV. West Hollywood = far more entertaining and colorful specimens of humanity. Flamboyant personalities and over-the-top clothes (in a great way).

Back to the story. So there she? was. Long, flowy black hair. Short shorts. White tights. White pleather boots that went almost up to the cuffs of the shorts. A billowy white shirt (a Seinfeld puffy shirt, if you will). A very large hat. I should also mention that the boots a) were easily 3" platforms and b) had a higher heel than I've ever seen anyone wear outside of a movie. They must have been 7 or 8" stilettos.

Then she? turned around. OH. MY. GOODNESS.

I believe she? was Japanese, but it was hard to tell under all that makeup. You know how geisha would wear white face powder and makeup, emphasizing their gorgeous porcelain skin? Well, she? had evidently mistaken a large bottle of whiteout or a can of white paint for foundation. Pure white, streaky face covering. And around one eye, a perfect circle of turquoise eye shadow. Sadly, I couldn't see the other eye because of the ginormous hat.

Wow, there are some days that it's a crime not to have been carrying a camera.

You envy me, don't you?

|| Stephanie 6:03 PM

Thursday, March 16, 2006

How Much Are You Worth in Mashed Potatoes?

Background: When first making out our wedding guest list, The Boy and I wrote down the names of far too many people. To help us pare down the list my Dad, mom, The Boy and I sat in my parents' living room and enjoyed the following exercise.

Mom: [Name of person]
Stephanie or The Boy: I work with/went to college with/used to work with/am friends with, etc. [person]
Dad: When did you last see each other? How often do you talk? When was your last conversation? How close are you?

And the clincher: Are they $75 friends?

Apparently $75 friends meet all the previous criteria. If the time span was greater than, say, 6 or 8 months, [person] was automatically disqualified. And this is how our list was cut down to a more reasonable number.

And I tell you this because it is relevant to this next story.

Last September three of my bridesmaids, my mother, me, The Boy, and his mom attended a bridal show at our reception site. The idea was to see what the different contracted vendors offered, and to taste the foods provided by the catering office for wedding receptions. The most awesome thing that they had was a mashed potato bar. At the mashed potato bar you were given a martini glass and told to help yourself to a vat of yummy mashed potatoes and a number of toppings. Each person had the freedom to create their own mashed potato masterpiece.

In case you didn't already know this about me, mashed potatoes are my comfort food. When I'm down I could mainline the stuff. And give me bacon and real butter to put on top and I'm a happy, happy girl. It was a creamy potato dream come true.

So, The Boy and I have been fondly reminiscing on the delights of the mashed potato bar ever since, and wondering if there was some way we could have it at our wedding reception. Because, heck, who WOULDN'T love it -- and, by extension, us -- for its marvelous mashed potato-ness? When we went to finalize our contract last Saturday, we broached the all-important potato question. We asked if it was possible to replace our existing hot hors d'oeuvres from our reception package with the martini mashed potato bar. Our caterer needed to think and do some critical math computations.

She came back with the cryptic, "It would cost $1 dollar less." The Boy and I were overjoyed. Somehow the fantastical mashed potato bar was going to end up saving us money. How awesome is that?! She repeated this vague information about three times before I realized what she meant. She meant that rather than $6/person, the mashed potato bar would be $5/person. The hors d'oeuvres in our existing package are only a buck per person. Boo!!!

Unfortunately, The Boy hadn't yet deciphered her code. "We'll take it!" he gleefully exclaimed. "That's great!"

Eventually I had to burst his bubble: "Honey, are they $700 mashed potatoes?"

|| Stephanie 5:34 PM

Friday, March 10, 2006

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Yay! I did a code thing all by myself here. I resized the little virtual pet dealybopper (yes, that's the technical word) in the sidebar and everything! That is my step forward.

Here are the steps back: I don't expect everyone to have the same level of technical savvy as me (God help you if you do), but I do know some stuff from working in high tech Marketing for 8 years. And I'm surrounded by a staggering # of people who Just.Don't.Get.It.

"What is the difference between a text email and an html email?" (uh, alot?) "How come when I get the html, there are no pictures?" (They were stripped out by the server. Right click to download them.). "Maybe we should send our messages without images (Er, no)." "I didn't get a document with any changes on it. What's that? Attached PDF? What? No, I didn't get one....OH! I did. I didn't notice that. What should I do with it?" And so on ad nauseum, ad inifinitum, ad crazium.

I realize that I'm younger than many of the people that I work with, and that many of these newfangled 'computer' things haven't been around all that long, but c'mon! This is the technology age. Pay attention!


|| Stephanie 4:18 PM

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

It's a [Flower] Girl!

So, more and more wedding items on the check-off list are becoming realities, so I guess this shindig is really happening, huh?

At this point, I want to don my lovely, lovely dress and go to London. Notice how I'm missing so many steps in the middle? That's because that is where all the details lie. Details that still need doing. Itineraries, ceremony and reception music lists, ushers, etc.

Anyway, so here is one of our flower girls, Katlyne (The Boy's niece) trying on her dress. And shoes. And hair thing. And the bow around her waist that both flower girls and both junior bridesmaids will be wearing.

I just love how sweet this look is!

The Boy's mom (my MIL2b) fixing the girl's bow.
Aren't they both adorable?

Katlyne_with comb
I opted for this comb-style over the crown thingy.

Katlyne_hair up
Such the little fashion plate.

My little sister Lexi -- who still needs to get her dress, hair thingy and shoes, MOM -- will be the other flower girl.

Well, gotta go think about more wedding stuff. Wa.Hoo.

|| Stephanie 5:41 PM