If You Can't Say Something Nice...

If You Can't Say Something Nice...
Say Something Vague

Friday, October 24, 2003

Sorry for dropping off the face of the blogging world. Haven't exactly felt really up, you know? (sigh) I mean, they really did me a favor, since I wanted to be out of there, but the $$ concerns are threatening to overwhelm me, and I've really been working on other things to divert myself so that I don't stress out.

Thanks for all of your concerns!! You guys are great. I wouldn't joke about something like this. I just can't believe that this is twice in 10 months! Sucks. I just have to believe that there is something greater than me out there orchestrating all this. 2004 better be a darn good year, that's all I know! :)

Thanks, Jenny, for updating everyone. Jenny's comments were absolutely spot-on. I want to thank everyone for their good wishes and/or prayers. I will not be overcome by this (again)!

I'm going to have to count on all of you to keep my spirits up and to let me know if you hear of anything out there. I'm really trying to edge away from Marketing, at least the technology sphere. I'm looking more at copywriting (it can be in Marketing, though, because that's how I'll get my foot in the door) than what I've been doing.

Thanks everyone. I'll try to be more regular about blogging next week! Gotta go apply for some jobs. BLARRGH!

|| Stephanie 3:05 PM

Friday, October 17, 2003

A couple more observations for today.

Ashton and Demi are getting married. There's a marriage built to last!

I'm not sure I've

I've gotta go. I just got laid off

|| Stephanie 4:07 PM

Her buttocks, I say, are rather large! Nor am I able to believe how round they are!

I never expected this. Baby Got Back in Latin. Verily, you must check it out!

You'd think that given the direct correlation between filling out my timecard and getting paid cash-money (however dismal that pittance may be), that I would be able to remember to fill out the blasted thing. But no. I actually had to put a little reminder in my Outlook that pops up every Friday at 9:00 a.m. and bugs me until I turn it off. Which I'm not stupid enough to do until I have actually filled out the card. Little reminder notwithstanding, it still takes me till about 11:00 a.m. to fill out the card.

I'm doing a little bit of an experiment today. For the first time in recorded history (or, at least, in the six months I've worked here), I have completed all of the things on my To Do list. And I have absolutely no intention of beginning one of those 'Work on this if you have time' projects. I don't want them getting ideas! So I'm trying to look very, very efficient and busy. I'm all but finished with a press release--in fact, I was all but finished with it two days ago--but I'm keeping it up on my screen and occassionally typing a sentence here, or tweaking a paragraph there so that I can do other things and look very dedicated (like I want this to be the best press release ever in the annals of history). So far I've read all of my friends' blogs (Jenny, Kathryn, Amanda, Terrence, Ryan) and investigated exactly when Jennifer Weiner had her daughter and worked backward through her blog to find out when she announced her pregancy (I'm curious, what can I say? I love her novels and her blog is hy-sterical).

The more my disgruntled-ness shows through at work, the funnier people seem to think I am. In proportion to my cynicism, I get more laughs. Go figure. I've started referring to my cubicle as a cell. When a pure white spider was found (and killed--not by me, naturally) in my cube this morning, I explained that its complete lack of color was from spending all of its time in my cubicle, and like me it now was pigment-challenged for lack of sunlight.

Ooh, speaking of political correctness, the IT/webmaster/only computer-savvy person in this office sent me some suggestions yesterday for making the company's technical datasheet for a new digital I/O card more socially acceptable. He asked me to make the following changes:

"slave" to "freedom challenged"
"configurable" to "open to the discussion of change"
"fully compatible" to "of current like-interest"
"specifications are subject to change without notice" to "Change is natural, expected, and encouraged. Only through change can we achieve peace and tranquility."

Are you laughing? Cause I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.

Anyway, I'm off to lunch after 'working' so hard all morning. Maybe this afternoon I can do some online puzzles or google my friends. Hee hee. Ooh, or read some Television Without Pity recaps. Hey, folks, I have to come to work for an 8-hour training tomorrow. I'm going to slack as much as possible today!

|| Stephanie 11:55 AM

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Intrigue. Mystery. Whispers in the corridors. Debilitating Secrets.
Are you fascinated? Are you?

Well, don't be. This is everyday at work right now, and not in a good way. There are these hush-hush closed door meetings and snippets of overheard conversations that could mean they're eliminating everyone and starting over with monkeys to do our jobs. Or it could mean we're all paranoid and they're talking about something else.

Yeah, I think it's the monkeys too.

While I'm sitting here typing I can overhear the girl who just returned from Europe talking to her boyfriend who is still there. He's in Finland, finishing up some business (which was the purpose of their trip, actually). She's talking to him in her usual sweet, soft voice. Anyhow, I'm innocently typing away and then suddenly I hear that sweet, soft voice raised and shrill as she says, "They took you to a hooker bar?!?!?!!!!"I couldn't help it. I started cracking up. I could just imagine his side of the conversation since hers consisted of, "But why? Why did they take you to a hooker bar? Why? Did you flirt with anyone? Did they flirt with you? Were you drinking? Why a hooker bar?"

Now she's off the phone and we were briefly discussing why men (particularly European men) like to do business in strip clubs and bars. I suppose it's to distract the people they want to extract information from, or make a deal with--apparently men can't multi-task and do both business and ogling at the same time. But wouldn't the businessmen who proposed the bar in the first place also get distracted?

This girl's boyfriend told her that the group of German businessmen took him to the hooker bar in Finland to finalize some agreements. He said that the Germans got completely blitzed and told him all sorts of information that they shouldn't have. Doesn't that sort of indicate that this might not be the best business method since it backfired on them? Also, they're German. Could this nice Chinese boy really drink them under the table? Sounds fishy to me.

I hear now that the supermarket picketers are getting mean. They're throwing things at people who try to go in the stores, and yelling obscenities at them. Hey people--your beef is with the corporation, not the customers. Step off! Geesh! Let me tell you something that is going to shock you, dear reader. I'm not so sure I'm on the side of the Unions with this one. I know--it's unbelievable.

Here's the thing, yes I do think the supermarket chains are being unreasonable by proposing a salary freeze for two years to be followed by a third year of $.50 and $1.00/hr. raises (or something to that effect; I don't know actual figures). I also think it's unfair that they want to start new workers at well below what is currently paid to Union workers at the markets.

Where I depart from the liberal party line is on the subject of healthcare. The Union workers are one of a handful of groups who have gotten this far into a) the 21st century, and b) the Bush years without having to pay anything toward their medical care. The supermarkets are asking them to contribute ~$5/wk toward their premiums. I don't get what the big deal is. There must be a lot more to this issue than I am aware of. Because the medical care crisis is a national issue. Insurance companies are jacking up everyone's rates, so everyone's premiums go up. Employers don't want to or can't cover it all and are asking for employee contributions. I don't like it, but I have to pay it. And so does everyone else I know. But the Union supermarket workers want to be the exception? They want to be the only people in the US who don't have to contribute to their medical care? That doesn't really seem fair.

Please feel free to send me a response illuminating the situation. I'd actually like to understand it better, because right now I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for the protesters. Until there is some workable socialized medicine plan in the US, these issues are going to continue to arise, and we're all going to be asked to pay more and more.

|| Stephanie 12:22 PM

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

PowerPoint, Barenaked Ladies and Pig Knuckles
Anybody have any idea why executives are so wildly in love with PowerPoint? Particularly since not a one of them has the faintest idea how to do anything in the program?! My life is PowerPoint, PowerPoint, and nothing but PowerPoint at work.

Every once in awhile I rediscover my Barenaked Ladies CDs and remember how much I love them. I'm listening to their greatest hits right now. So funny; clever lyrics.

A girl in my office just returned from a two week trip to Germany, Austria, Italy, Switzerland and Finland. She's been regaling me with the local cuisine for each country. Apparently in Germany they love their starch and their pork. She said that all she ate while there was potato dumplings, potato salad, pig knuckles (which she actually liked--eeeew!), fried pork, and of course, a more than healthy dose of sauerkraut. In Finland they like pickled fish a lot. A LOT. She said Italy was initially a refreshing change because of pasta instead of potatoes, but they're still carbs. She said that she really, really was dying for McDonald's by the time they got to Finland. I envy her the trip, but I'm not so sure about some of the food...

|| Stephanie 12:27 PM

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Me and Charlie sittin' in a tree!

I had this dream that I was on a date with Charlie Sheen. He didn't know I had a boyfriend, but I did. However, I was too caught up in the idea of being on a date with someone who I had a crush on when I was an adolescent, so I didn't say anything. Then finally, when he wanted to kiss me, I told him about my boyfriend whom I love. And he was devastated. Hee!

Now, my dream doesn't take into account a few key factors. a) he's married to a beautiful (if dim) actress, b) if this was Charlie Sheen pre-getting cleaned up, he'd have been more inclined to be hanging out with the Heidi Fleiss gang than with me. Oh, well. The innocence of dreams.

|| Stephanie 11:58 AM

Friday, October 10, 2003

I got the new Dido CD, Life For Rent, and I listen to it ALL THE TIME. Jenny is the only person who can possibly understand this as once I bought Dido's first album and exposed her to it, there was a pretty good chance for about a solid three months that you would hear it when walking into the Marketing department. I just put it on repeat and listen to it all the time. So Jenny, wanna copy?

The strange little man from the telephone on-hold service came in again today (I write the script and he makes the tapes that play when we put people on hold). The only good thing about his visit is that he brings me a tin of Jelly Bellys. And they are fascinating to me because each one is individually wrapped! Can you believe someone's job is to wrap each and every jelly bean?? I wonder if that person is diabetic?

Have you heard of this Comedy Central movie Windy City Heat that's going to premiere this weekend? (Of course, it's on Comedy Central so they'll probably show it 10 times a day for 3 months). It sounds quite funny. It's the ultimate prank on a guy who thinks that he is the greatest actor since Robert de Niro. He gets 'cast' as the lead in a movie that everyone but him knows is not real. Apparently they shot hundreds of hours of film over the last 11 years and have managed to condense it to a 90 minute movie. Somehow during the entire process they have managed to keep from him that this is not a real movie. Some of the things that make this sound like it will be entertaining are that they introduced the 'money man' to him as Hiroshima Nagasaki, and two 'reporters' who interviewed him were named Woodward & Bernstein. They used fictional character names that just about any normal, rational person would recognize from pop culture. And yes, at first I thought, "How mean!" But it sounds like the guy quickly adopted the primadonna persona, so apparently you don't end up feeling too sorry for him. Too bad I don't have cable...

|| Stephanie 4:24 PM

Thursday, October 09, 2003

My brother-in-law, the Super Middleweight Boxing Champion?

To tell you what a lousy sister I am, I want to send my sister Heather a little gift, but I don't know her address. So I tried googling her and her husband on the internet. I got an amazing number of hits for her husband, Jason Brey the boxer in Albuquerque, New Mexico (hee hee, now maybe my blog will come up on any searches for him). I would never have guessed that my 6'+ brother-in-law, weighing in probably around 140 lbs. (tops) could be such a formidable opponent in the ring, but he's all over the place on the 'net. Apparently he's even big in Colorado.

I wonder if my sister knows about her calm, quiet, thoughtful husband's alternate identity.

|| Stephanie 3:34 PM

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

And another thing--

Today the White House launches it's PR campaign in defense of invading Iraq. National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice explains that it had to be done because Saddam Hussein was such a tyrant and such a bully, etc. No question about that. What I take issue with is--THAT'S NOT WHAT WE WERE TOLD WAS THE REASON FOR INVADING IRAQ!

How do they continue to get away with deceiving the American public?! We were told that it was all about WMD, and now that they can't find any, they're going to rewrite history and we're supposed to just blithely go along with it??

All I can say is pay attention, people! Approval ratings for Georgie have dropped to pre-9/11 levels. Keep up the good work, and don't buy into this bs PR campaign.

|| Stephanie 2:29 PM

You all expect me to comment on the recall vote, don't you? You have resigned yourself to reading of my outrage and fury. Well, that's not what I am writing about, so nanny-nanny-boo-boo.

I'm going to write about my other most-overused topic of discussion, work. Actually, I'm just going to quote a comment that I read about a character in the British TV show The Office because it so accurately describes me right now: I am a person "whose ambition and imagination have been crushed out of [me] by the banality of the life [I] dream uselessly of escaping." Boo hoo. Pity me! Pity me!

Okay, I can't resist a couple of brief comments (yeah, I know, I'm a liar) about the governator--or as my dad called him, the Gropinator (heh). I think that it's terrifying that Ahh-nold has been elected. He has no position on anything whatsoever. He dodges questions all of the time. He won't talk to reporters. He had a distinct advantage in the ONE debate he was willing to participate in--hel-lo! He's an actor!

And yes, I do believe he's committed these acts of abuse toward women, and he's gotten away with it because he's an actor. It's sickening, really. I believe it because many of these accusations were first made years ago, long before he took advantage of the opportunity presented by the Republican party to railroad California politics. All of the accusations were just conveniently overlooked because of his Hollywood stature. Well, I'm going to be thoroughly disillusioned (assuming there's any further down to go) if he remains investigation-free while in office, for gosh sakes!

ARGH! I just can't believe he won! Urgh!

|| Stephanie 12:50 PM

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Well, folks, I'm soon going to shake the dust of my unimportant existence off my shoes here, and ditch y'all for my new high-powered friends. In the last three days I've gotten phone calls from Bill Clinton, Al Gore and Martin Sheen. Obviously I'm on the fast track to bigger things!

Apparently being the only registered Democrats in Orange County brings unexpected perks for the boy and I. We are now either extremely precious voters, or freakish novelties, but either way we are their demographic. Woohoo! Now besides being 25-34 I have another official demographic distinction to my credit.

|| Stephanie 3:51 PM

Monday, October 06, 2003

I had an epiphany while in a meeting being completely demoralized by my management: I hate Marketing. To clarify: I love Communications. I like Marketing Communications when that means doing all the Comm stuff such as newsletters, press releases, etc. But I hate plain old Marketing. Coddling Sales and doing all the legwork for them so that they can make 2x or 3x my salary. I hate the rhetoric and bs that go into it. I've reached my dumping point. From here it's Starbucks and Barnes & Noble, or mental health disability leave.

I'd like to ask any of my friends who may read this, is there something that you always pictured me doing for a living? Is there something you always thought I would be good at? You know how sometimes you have friends that you just know would be GREAT (fill in blank)ers?

For instance, my friend Julie is a great kindergarten teacher, but the thing she loves most in the world is tap dancing. I've always thought she should have her own studio and teach tap dancing. My sister Heather has always struck me as a perfect youth advocate. My mom would be fantastic in a hospital pediatric ward. Stuff like that. Is there anything about me that is that clear?

|| Stephanie 12:19 PM

Thursday, October 02, 2003

Pet peeve #4,783 (or thereabouts): when people use the phrase "Freedom isn't free" to justify any heinous act that is committed. For example: when viewing a video of a vehicle full of Afghanistanis being blown up by American soldiers (complete with flying limbs), and someone responds, "Oh well. Had to be done. After all, they've gotta learn somehow, freedom isn't free."

What does that even mean?? I don't get it. Why is it justifiable to kill anyone and everyone who doesn't agree with us? And--once again--how free is that democracy that is being forced onto the people of Iraq?

My other question du jour is why is it my responsibility as a taxpayer to fund the reconstruction of a country that I completely disagreed with invading, to overthrow a dictator that the U.S. installed and supported (as well as conveniently overlooked when he slaughtered his own people)? Why is it my responsibility to contribute to a multi-billion dollar 'reconstruction package' (that, again, I completely disagree with) when my own state cannot fund its schools and colleges as a result of Bush's national fiscal irresponsibility?

|| Stephanie 3:18 PM

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Last night I watched the season opener of Law & Order (one of my all-time favorite shows) and it was about this serial killer who was the spitting image of Kevin Spacey in Se7en: Cree-py! Sometimes when I'm watching L&O, I'm really impressed by the quality of actors that they get for such a brief part--they're either lawyers, killers, witnesses, etc. and they are surprisingly good.

So anyway, the real point of today's rant is the inappropriateness of having phone conversations concerning employees where they can totally hear every word!!! Whether the conversation is about the employee within earshot, or another employee entirely, it's just plain WRONG!!!

Thank you for your time.

|| Stephanie 12:31 PM