If You Can't Say Something Nice...
Say Something Vague

I've Found My Purpose In Life, I Think

That is, if you can have a purpose that you are exceptionally good at and yet completely loathe.

I AM THE HUMAN LINT COLLECTOR

It's almost a super-power. I can spend 20 minutes and several sticky sheets of a lint roller removing every scrap of white (cat) fur or lint or reddish hair (mine) from my black pants or shirt, only to arrive at work looking like I put on my pants and rolled around on my (un-vacuumed, as per usual) carpet all morning.

I work with a woman who wears black every single day: neatly-pressed black trousers, elegant black blouses, flowy black skirts. This woman is a normal one. She has a dog. She drives a car. She sits in an office not entirely unlike my cubicle (you know, except bigger). And she never has even 1/1000th of the lint obscuring her lovely black clothing that I have on my black clothes.

To quote that age-old philosopher, Joe, Jr.: "What gives?"


NOTES:
1) Hey Amanda, yeah I have seen those dresses. A bit horrifying, eh? Seriously, sometimes I wish I had the courage. Just for the shock value.
2) I bet Jenny gets the Joe, Jr. quote first.
3) Hi Jenny, yes, I got your message. I suck. I'm going to be sending you an email soon.

Fun With Blanket Emails

I just love scouring endless stock photo sites to find an image to put in a generic message that will be able to represent a completely vague and uninteresting concept.

You try finding an image that clearly articulates "Hey Business Analysts! Read this fascinating unspecific message!"

Here Comes The Hoochie Momma

Alternatively titled: What I will NOT be wearing to my wedding next year. These dresses are both frightening and hysterically funny. All in one go. Good job, Odette Christiane.


First up is the ever-elegant "Hey, Look At My Boobs" dress
(It oughtta be fun when people start googling that phrase and get my lowly little blog. Heh.)

How 'bout this little number? Doesn't it just scream CLASSY to you?



But this one...this one is my favorite, people. Note the strategically placed shoulder pads to enhance the breastal region.



Now what man wouldn't be proud to call her his Missus, hmm?

Link O'Rama

Because I am very, very lazy and easily amused.

Are those penguins packin'?

This is so wrong and yet so, so right.

Oh my gosh, this one is funny. I was laughing till I was crying. This guy takes real spam subject lines and makes up drawings to go with them.

Have you seen this yet? I love the idea of the Pope going street.

Yay for Aimee Mann

The new Aimee Mann CD The Forgotten Arm came out yesterday. I bought it audio unheard because I know that I love everything that this woman produces. It's brilliant, natch.

Gee, guess what's going to be endlessly looped in my CD player at work for the next week??

Two Things of Questionable Interest to You

I was just thinking today, you know what's a funny word? Participants. I mean, c'mon.

partici-pants

Weird, right?

The other thing is, last week I did something so amazingly dumb, that I just have to share it with every member of cyberspace. The Boy and I were on our way to meet my sister and her husband at Disneyland when I felt a migraine coming on. I get these every month, so it's not that unusual. But this time I had a new and terrifying symptom. My migraines usually start with pain in my sinuses around one of my eyes. This time I had that and I had blurred vision in my left eye.

Naturally, being the rational pragmatist that I am, my first thought was, "Oh my God. The migraines aren't related to hormones, as I've long thought. I'm going blind and/or I have a brain tumor behind my eye!" Eventually the pain of the migraine subsided (I could just kiss whoever discovered migraine meds), but I still had poor vision in my left eye. My sight was blurry and I was really starting to get worried. Could I have glaucoma? What was happening to my vision? Why was everything so hard to see?!

It took me a few hours, but finally I realized that I didn't have my contact in that eye. Take a moment to laugh at my stupidity. I understand.

Somehow I had managed to put my right contact in and leave the house and function for several hours without my left contact. How did this happen? Did it fall out without me noticing? Did I just entirely forget to put it in? Did I put them both in the same eye? Apparently I will never know. When I got home and checked my lens case, both contacts were gone: the one in my right eye at that moment, and the missing left contact. I never did find it. Bizarre.